Even though I’m blind, I have always loved my art. When I was younger I won in a Welsh talent show for my art. And besides that I’ve always done serf as something to enjoy and a release. I’m colour blind but I get the gist of it and have learnt techniques to avoid having a green sun and pink dog HAHAHA! But since my health has gone down hill, art has been something I’ve lost. I used to be a healthy-ish kid, I still had my condition but not the complications. So just a healthy blind gal living life. But now even sitting up is so painful and exhausting. So for me sitting up, and doing art is very exhausting. I have to lean on the table so my eyes are close to the paper which obviously isn’t a good position for anyone.
The last few times I went to school before having to get medical exemption I would go and either sleep all day in our office or do an art project because I was so unstable emotionally and just couldn’t brain. It helped distract me. But now I don’t have that distracting release. I’m okay. I use podcasts and social media to distract me now. But that’s not creative and an artist always has a creative mind. I miss my art a lot. I get urges to do it all of the time. The truth be told, I can’t afford to have fun because I don’t have the energy to spare. I have to prioritise practical things like my lessons, eating, napping, socialising, and of course personal care and whatever else in between. I wish I could just be like woo ok let’s just do it fuck it, but if I do that I may not be able to shower for another three days or whatever. IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!
I hope to find ways to embrace my creativity in different ways. Like I have all these future plans and projects in my little brain just waiting for some energy to create them. And I’ve been researching a different ways to do it. Ideally doing art laying down would be good – but that’s pretty awkward and I’ll have drops of paint on my nose! Not that I don’t either way ahaha. My one to one used to sit with me doing my art with me and would end up covered in my paint.
Writing is a good way to be creative but it takes so much cognitive energy which is something I struggle with. Here’s hoping in the future I can make up for my lost artsy time.