i turned 18 on the 14th of September. I feel so weird about it. I can’t stop thinking about my future now.
For the last 5 years I have been mostly bedbound. Only getting up for the toilet and appointments due to chronic fatigue from adrenal insufficiency and steroids. After coming off steroids in the last year things have improved so much and I’m finally leaving the house and having fun and being a real teenager. I went on holidays twice this year and even attended a party with my friends for the first time in years. And I have a boyfriend now and am able to maintain our relationship. I’ve struggled so much mentally over the years and it just feels amazing to not be a prisoner in my own body and room. I didnt feel that anything would ever get better. But there’s always hope. Different doctors will have different ideas so it’s good to see others. My primary doctor was scared to take me off steroids but I saw an endocrinologist who was willing to do so. That’s what made me so ill and removing it helped so much. It feels weird to be actually living. I still get excited everytime I do something normal like go inside a supermarket or be able to go out for a meal. I’m so grateful I can’t wait to keep doing life.
I was so scared of having hope because I had been let down by my body so much. It feels surreal to think I’m actually maybe going to be able to be a functional human in a year. I want to be able to go to college even if it’s only partime so that’s currently what I’m building up to. I’m taking the year off to try to rebuild my strength and stamina to be able to manage college. I have so many aspirations in life and they feel half possible now. Before this all I could think is oh if my life’s going to be this I want to die. But I’m living and I want to be living.