The last few days my mental health has been struggling. I haven’t been having thoughts of self harm but generally a low mood and feeling agitated. I’ve been doing my art, eating, cleaning and everything I need to do but there’s been a general sense of emptiness in the air. One of the things I hate most abiut having depression is feeling down without a cause. It makes me so frustrated. When there’s a cause I can fix it and feel better. But on a bad day, it’s just a bad day. Nothing I do can make it feel better. No amount of painting, eating, meditating or sleeping helps.
All I can do is feel the feeling and wait it out. Over time I’ve got better at that because I don’t have a choice physically or mentally, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I try to do the things that help or that I need to do because I know I feel worse when things start to pile up. But honestly there are some days where all I can do is sleep until the feelings pass. It’s not the healthiest option but neither is being depressed. On my worst days my only option is to sleep. I can’t get up. I can’t eat. I can’t fathom faking a smile.
Image description: meme saying when you’ve done everything and your brain is like stop trying to make serotonin
Many people are really stressed and down due to coronavirus, but for me I don’t feel like it’s affecting me very much mentally. I’m not leaving the house and my family are all working from home. My extended family are all following the rules too so there is not as much anxiety for me around it. I’m lucky I don’t have bills to pay etc and that I’m used to staying inside for months at a time. The hardest part for me is not being able to spend time with my friend or go to see my family. But again, I’m used to interacting with them online due to my chronic illnesses. Quarantine hasn’t hit me as hard as people who have never been forced to stay inside or work from home. So I don’t feel as though quarantine is what is causing this depression. Even outside of quarantine on the days I see my friends and go places I love, I can still have an overwhelming feeling of sadness. There have been so many times I’ve been to parties, gone out to fun things I’ve planned where I’m still depressed.
Depression doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter if you have plans, or if there’s no reason. It can still affect you. Of course external stressors can make it worse but that’s not always the case. Anyone can feel sad, or have depression (they are different). All you can do is try to take care of your mind and body to help it ease as soon as possible.